Venetia86's Blog

{July 16, 2010}   Counting my blessings

I would like to start by saying I do have a temperature right now so if I start to ramble please forgive me!

I was watching a film the other day – in itself not a very surprising thing to do; even less surprising for those who have seen my video and DVD collection. Nor is it exceptionally odd that I was watching a Christmas film, okay it may be July but I do have a preoccupation with my favourite time of year that does last all year long. Why else would The Muppet Christmas Carol be my favourite film? (other than it being full of Muppets and amazing music and superb acting from Michael Cain) However I was watching a film called White Christmas. From the title you would assume that it is very Christmassy and festive, in actuality it’s not so much – more about two friends trying to save their former General from going bankrupt (“we’re doing it for a pal in the army” is repeated several times and if you haven’t seen this film you should).

Anyway the film is also a musical and one of the songs is called Blessings. The theme of which is counting your blessings. Simple as this sounds it started me thinking. There has been a lot going on in my life over the last few months, a real shake up of everything. Everything that I thought I was sure of, is suddenly not so certain any more.

I knew when I got offered my job in Nottingham a few months ago that God was telling me that my time in Hull was over and that he wanted me to move forward and go to Nottingham, but when I got here things weren’t how I expected them to be. I had people telling me what I should be doing, where I should be going, how I should be acting, who I should be seeing and it was driving me crazy. I felt so lonely in a strange city where I didn’t know very many people and I was so lost and beginning to question whether or not I really should have moved; that maybe I would have been better off staying in Hull.

Even worse than this I was worrying some of my closest friends by being upset all the time and slipping back into the depression that I suffered a few years ago. There were a lot of late night tearful conversations when I just couldn’t cope any more and even more nights when I just cried myself to sleep. (I’m a sensitive soul, though I seem thick skinned) It was at this point that I decided I needed to do something about it. I hadn’t fought my way back from being a snivelling shell of a human being to just slip back into it all again.

So it was at this point that I went to Trent, not really expecting anything to change, except for me to get confirmation that I should have stayed in Hull. What happened was completely different. I got slapped in the face by God – which in all fairness I needed. He set me straight on a lot of things and for the past few weeks has continued to do so. It has been over these few weeks that I’ve been thinking a lot about what I should be thankful for and all the things I’ve taken for granted.

So when I was watching White Christmas and listening to Blessings, it just struck me so much about how even the smallest things are blessings in my life and how much of an impact that they have on me. It was after I watched White Christmas that I decided to watch Field of Dreams for the first time. It’s probably a good thing that each time all these big revelations happen I am on my own because there is lots of crying and laughing and mild hysteria over how ridiculously blind I can be over the simplest of things. This had even more impact on me as I was working on my new epic project at the time. It has also given me back some of the focus I lost on my writing which is amazing as I am now only 28 pages away from finishing the first edit of my first novel, just have a second edit to do now before copyright and sending it off to prospective publishers whilst continuing to work on the other 200 odd books I have started.

The last thing I wanted to just ramble about is more a thought of encouragement that has come out of something that nearly everyone has said to me when they find out I moved on my own for a job and at God’s bidding to a new city. People keep telling me that it’s a brave thing to do, that they could never do it – one woman who I met at work is the one responsible for the thought of encouragement. She said that I was one of those people. One of the people that don’t just talk about doing something, that I just do things, that I make life happen, that I take opportunities and go after my dreams instead of just talking about how one day I’ll do something. It is this that made me think that people who really want to chase their dreams, that take every opportunity to do so no matter how many times they get knocked back or hit road blocks are the ones that will have amazing adventures and really accomplish what they set out to do.

Time to lie down now 🙂


et cetera